UPDATE/FRIENDS

Dear Reader,

Just an entry to update you on the state of things.

The gardens yesterday were wonderful when I was able to force myself to go out. I am in the throes of a heartbreak, plus having a sick cat and turning my apartment upside down in an effort to fix it up and make it welcoming and comfortable for other people besides me (and the cats).

I was finally able to get into the Park, and the weather was terrific, everything was damp (we have had a lot of rain in NYC in the past few days), but warm, and I saw many of my Park friends while I was out. I was also fortunate that one of my old friends (college old, so we're talking almost 30 years) with whom I have remained in contact, came by, and knowing I was having some struggles, invited me to dinner with his family and some friends.

It could not have been a better invitation or distraction. I got to talk with grown-ups for a while; I got to talk with kids for a while. We had a nice dinner and all in all, a good time was had by all. I am very fortunate to have friends who are willing to go out of their way to get me out of myself and keep me moving forward.

My current heartbreak has to do with a man, as all of my prior ones have. I have been singularly unsuccessful in this area; I had lots of boyfriends throughout college and for several years afterwards, but nothing "stuck." Then I had the "great love" in 1990, and when that imploded, I decided to close up shop and not deal with relationships again. There was a respite in 1999, but that resulted in a nervous breakdown, and another emotional shutdown.

This most recent episode has involved a very nice man. I have not received a satisfactory send-off from him, so there is that tiny voice saying "It must be something wrong with me." My friends keep saying it absolutely is not, but I am not known for listening to other folks' opinions, although I solicit them constantly. Fundamental conflict there.

Anyway, dear Reader, I've stayed up later than I had intended, and I still have to spellcheck this and make sure it is literarily interesting. Thanks for reading, and I remain,

CatBird