What Keeps Me Singing?

Dear Reader,

I haven't written much about my singing here; this past year or so has been a difficult one in that area, both personally and in my general involvement with my chorus. It's these things that frequently make me question why I keep singing.

Then, I have a lovely night like last Saturday night. I was invited to participate in a "gig," a fundraiser for a medical condition called ARDS (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome). We were singing the Brahms "Requiem." I refer to this as a gig because I only had to show up for one rehearsal, the dress and the concert. No big pressure, a short schedule, in and out. No pay of course, but any time I get a chance to sing the Brahms with an orchestra, I'll take it.

I was called for this because someone told someone else that I was a "good" singer, and that I knew the Brahms. I'll take credit for the latter; I love the piece, and have sung it many times in concert, so have had the opportunity to memorize a lot of it, and work on subtleties like expressing the text (which is profound), understanding the entire concept of the work (which is complex) and really working on the musical nuances (which are many). I had some back and forth with the person who invited me as to the rehearsals I could attend, and ultimately, it worked out.

Because this was a "pick-up" gig, I had no idea who might be singing it, although I was told there were several Mannes College of Music opera students. The accompanying orchestra was also from Mannes, as were the two soloists. On hearing that the chorus was going to be comprised in part of opera singers, I was immediately concerned. The first rehearsal confirmed this; not only were several of the young women operatic singers, but they also didn't really know the music, although that didn't seem to stop them from singing everything full-blast. They also seemed to have no concept of tempo, dynamics, blend, etc. I was told that my "job" was to keep the tempo going, and try to provide some sort of "glue" to pull these voices together. I am not an operatic voice, so I knew I couldn't out-sing these women, at least volume-wise. In any event, I tried to do what I was asked to.

Rehearsals, no matter how well one knows a work, or how smoothly things go, are always tedious and laborious. And, you never really know how well a concert will go by how the rehearsals have gone. There is an old superstition that, if the dress rehearsal for a concert is BAD, the concert will be great. I have seen this happen. My personal belief is that when people are performing, the key is the audience. Being in front of an audience changes everything; adrenalin is pumping, you're more focused, you know you need to pay attention to the conductor, you're on a high-wire in some ways. This is one of the things that keeps me singing.

Another is that, apparently, I'm pretty good. Again, I'm not an operatic soprano, nor am I at this point at the level where I could earn a living singing. But as an "avocational" singer, I've been told I'm good; not only as a musician, but my voice is good, as well. I was surprised after the gig the other night when another singer who had been standing in front of me, a soprano, told me she loved my voice. Another woman then commented that I have a wide range (about 2 1/2 octaves or so), which really impressed her. I was honestly taken aback by this praise. I was just doing my "thing," singing with the tenors and altos during the rehearsals (to ground my voice), and then singing my part as best I could.

The problem, of course, is that I get involved in the groups I sing with in ways other than musical. This has been invariable; I join, I take on some small task, then pretty soon I'm involved with the Board or in some other substantial way in the operations of the group. And this always leads to problems: political or otherwise. If I could just stick to the singing, I'd be happy.

Maybe someday!

Catbird