Checking In, Sadly

Dear Reader,

It's again been some time since I've written anything here. So much has happened even since my last entry, I hardly know where to begin; so I'll begin back in November.

Everything was status quo, until my Dad died on November 11. Although this wasn't entirely unexpected, it still was very upsetting and traumatic. I got through my 11/13 concert, then went "home" a few days later. We got through the memorial service, complete with full military honors, and then I fell into a deep depression which lasted for a few weeks.

I was pulling out of that, and got a pair of kittens on December 4. This had been in the works since October; carefully thought out and considered. These were for both Hunny and me. My older cat has never gotten along with Hunny, and I wanted her (both Kootie and Hunny) to have a couple of kittens to interact with. For the dog it would be socializing with cats who grew up with her; for the older cat, it would be getting some interaction and exercise with a couple of younger cats. The kittens were (and are) doing well. They were fine with Hunny, and Hunny was learning how to gently interact with them. She never made any effort to harm them, but there was a learning curve because she was so much larger than they were.

We were getting ready to have our first Christmas on our own in NYC. Prior to this past year, we had always gone to my folk's home for Christmas, first alone, then with Hunny over the last two years. This year, because Daddy was gone, I decided it was time to have Christmas in New York at our home. Early in the morning of Christmas Eve, as I was dropping off a Christmas card to the night manager of the grocery store we go to, Hunny got scared and ran off. It is now the eighth week that she's been gone. This has been the most traumatic and heartbreaking thing I have ever been through.

I spent the first couple of weeks putting up flyers, following leads and sightings, trying to find the resources on the internet and elsewhere to get the word out that she was missing, getting her face out there. Then, depression caught up with me again. In addition to that, we had the worst spate of winter weather I remember in years; snow, cold, more snow, arctic cold, wind, a day of temperatures above 30, then frigid again. It's been awful. I spent a lot of time nearly paralyzed, unable to get out of bed or leave my apartment. I wasn't able to interact with the kittens; I was barely able to feed and clean up after them.

Looking for a lost dog in New York City is a very difficult process. It isn't addressed in the sites and documents one finds online; those are all geared towards suburban and rural conditions. In addition, there is no support structure in NYC for finding lost animals. There is no municipal department that helps with searches, or even picks up stray animals. The private animal rescue organizations only help after an animal has been picked up and brought in (by a citizen). The online resources are plentiful, but not really effective; they all rely on someone seeing the lost animal, then reporting it to the website, or listing it on the lost/found site, of which there are many.

Fortunately, I've had friends who have helped with putting up flyers, spreading the word among pet and dog organizations, and gotten the word out. I've also had help with the depression, but it's a tough slog.

I was beginning to feel a little better, and thinking I could start really getting out and looking for Hunny, until I got word a week ago that my youngest sister was in the hospital with liver disease. They don't know yet whether it's curable, or whether she will continue to decline. The last update I got, she also caught pneumonia in the hospital, and was intubated to help her breathe.

So, I am just trying to wake up every day, and force myself to get out of the house, if only to go get coffee and a roll. It takes every iota of will I have. And nevermind work. I have been managing to get to clients, but again, it takes everything I have, and I'm emotionally and physically spent by the time I get home.

I am hoping this will end soon. I keep hoping I'll find Hunny, but it's been two months. Of course I've heard dozens of stories about dogs returning home after weeks, months and even years, but this situation feels so much more hopeless than that.

As to my sister, I once told her that if she ever needed a body part, I would donate it. I might be giving up part of my liver; we'll see how things go.

Sorry for all of the bad news; I wish I had something more pleasant to report. I hope to keep things updated on a more regular basis, as well.

Catbird