What, Me Worry?

Dear Reader,

This is Big Guy. This is his normal sleeping position, especially during warmer weather. How can anyone not be cheered up by this?

I'm feeling better. Honestly, I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have this great cat to cheer me up when I get home. Kootie helps, too; her picture will be in the next column.

Maybe it's because a few people were very complimentary of my "new" body the other night at rehearsal, or maybe because several folks at the same rehearsal asked me why I wasn't auditioning for some solo licks in the pieces we're doing in April. Maybe it's because I finally ordered new pencils for the chorus, or because it's finally feeling a little like Spring again (after the winter, after the "spring" in January!), and I've been able to get out into the gardens and get my roses pruned and haul some woodchips.

Whatever the reasons, I'm feeling better for the moment at least. I'm looking forward to picking out my next tattoo to commemorate my next birthday, and then getting the work done. I'm looking forward to wearing fewer clothes as the weather warms up, and losing a few more pounds. I'm looking forward to planning the season-end party for my chorus, after our April 16 concert which, despite everything, will be good. Once the tickets arrived (late!!) from the printer, I felt that this program arc was finally in control.

I'm feeling better, big-time, because I've been able to really get down to business out in the Park, and with the early advent of Daylight Savings Time, I'll get a leg up on the work. That extra hour makes such a huge difference when one has the sleep problems that I do. That would be staying up all night, not able to go to bed, then finally getting to sleep when many folks are getting up. My circadian rhythms are so out of whack, but DST helps a little!

So, although I'm not a fount of cheerfulness, I'm getting better at least for the moment. This is probably a short-term thing, however. Depression has been my companion for so much of my life that I can't imagine it will ever go away completely, or even for a substantial length of time. I wish it would; I do not enjoy being depressed, unhappy, or otherwise impacted by this. It's just there. I try to get over it, past it and through it, but it always comes back. At least the meds keep me functioning.

So, we'll see how long this upturn lasts. I am going to try to do things that keep me feeling better and moving forward; again, we'll see. Writing here is something that helps me feel better; venting is always good. So, there will of course be more to come.

Catbird