Entry started July 2, continued July 3:
I'm heading to West Virginia, via my sister and her husband's home in western Pennsylvania.These trips are always difficult for me. When people ask me where I'm going, my response is that I'm going "home," to visit my family. Now, I am not from either West Virginia OR Pennsylvania. I was born in Virginia, and while I was a kid, we lived in several different states and countries, none of which was West Virginia or PA. But, my parents were from WV, and my dad decided to move back there several years ago. When he and my mom relocated there, it became "home." As it happens, it is 8/10's of a mile from the house my dad was born in, so for him, it is literally, home.
But, whenever I travel down there, I go through the litany of questions: what is "home?" Is home where I live, or is it the place where my family lives? Is home the life I've built here in New York, my apartment, my neighborhood, my gardens, or is "home" their place, their life?
As I drive to my destination (I drive twice or so a year; always to visit "home") I think about living that lifestyle; the "driving" lifestyle. I am a good driver; I love driving, in fact. I've driven cars, SUV's and trucks; I like them all. I love driving, and driving fast on the highway. If I lived in the 'urbs, either the sub- or ex-urbs, I would be comfortable without mass transit. But, as a New Yorker, I believe totally in the need and efficiency of mass transit. I also believe that regular work commutation should be done in some more useful fashion than 1 person, 1 auto, if it's done at all. I think most of it is a huge waste of time and energy, both oil-based and human.
But then I get involved in the house, yard, big grocery store, WalMart aspects of this lifestyle. Oh, it seems so easy, and clean and nice and civilized. Not like trying to shop in the grocery store in my neighborhood, which is really nice, but the aisles are so narrow and crowded; things are so expensive; the ease of getting home is only because I live so close by.
I try not to determine which is "better," the urban or the sub/exurban lifestyle. Both have their up and downsides, definitely. But which do I prefer? The urban, in the long run.
Why? Because it's what I'm used to, although I am very familiar and comfortable with the suburban/country life. But also, I simply feel more at ease with the urban life; I am happy with my apartment, which equals one room in my sisters' homes. All I need is a room, with a bathroom and a separate kitchen, and I have that in my Manhattan studio apartment. I don't need a 10-room home with a livingroom/diningroom, live-in kitchen, and several bedrooms. I need enough space for my cats and me. I have managed to find a "yard:" the area I work in, in Riverside Park. What better yard?
But, the sub/exurban life still does have many attractions. The sheer space is one; I could have 10 or more additional rooms to put my stuff into; so I could pay a mortgage, but I wouldn't have to pay for a storage space. I could do whatever I wanted with my own yard and property, though I would not have folks walking their dogs coming through to enjoy the space, or my work.
Continued 7/11/07:
I'm going to go ahead and post this column. I have many other thoughts and stories from my recent trip "home," many of which have been generated on my return to NYC, and the contrast between these two lifestyles. When I leave down there to come back Home to NYC, I feel in some ways I am abandoning my family, although the truth is, there is nothing I could do to help them if I stayed there with them. So, all I can do is come home to NYC, live my life and make the best of it. I still do have that guilt, though.
More to come,
Catbird
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